Stress, heartache and snow

They all have a little do to with the other. It really is crazy. We are really stressed these past few days. Between knowing that a daunting drive is ahead of us, or that everything we've known is behind us. It's stressful. On top of that Northern MN (where we're hiding for now) is slated to be hit with snow in rather large proportions. Great. Just great. But I'm sure this is not the worst that we will see, so we'll trudge forward, hoping for good roads and some peace.

It's been a fun, crazy, sad last few days. We rang in 2009 with two of my oldest friends. We had so much fun that I had a hard time recovering on Thursday. But the laughter and memories of old, and some new, will carry us along our journey. It's always nice to just be. A couple cocktails, some good and not-s0-good music, and a lot of road ahead. It was great.

Thursday brought more goodbyes. My older brother and his wife took their day off to come and say good bye. It was so nice of them to brave the snowy roads and winter weather. It was short, but sweet, and we're hoping they plan a trip to see us in Alaska.

Today was filled with more visitors. My younger brother, his girlfriend, and Hondo (his dog) came by to say Hi. Again another long drive on wintery roads, but I guess we should all be used to that by now. I managed to get out with Ches some and play in the snow. It was fun to just watch her run. I kept instructing her to "hunt 'em up" and hunt she did. I think the best thing she may have found was her ball, but she was happy.

And now, the anticipation, nervousness, excitement are all starting to set in. It's nearly 1 a.m. and I'm having a hard time finding sleep. It's quiet, so I decided to write and get it off my chest.

I will miss everyone. But I'm really going to miss my dad. We talked nearly every day, and while his advice is sometimes annoying, I will miss it, and him. I know with distance, long distance and the time change we won't talk as much. That's going to be tough.

Heart on a Platter...Coming Right Up

Did you know the words "But I don't want you to go" can physically tear your heart out and serve it to you on a platter? It can. Especially when issued by the cutest 3 year old I know. I have known her since long before she came to be laid in her mother's arms. I have loved her just as long.

Tonight I tucked her in, and she gave me the biggest bear hug ever, and a big ole sloppy kiss. It seems like a simple ritual, but it's a privilege. I read her a book, and we talked a little. I told her to take care of her baby brother and her mommy for me. We tucked, I put on her music, left the room, and as I came back, I whispered I love you. From the dark I heard "I love you, too. I think at that particular moment, my heart left my chest, and fell to my toes.

I will miss her. She is a very special girl, not because she can read the dictionary upside down, or recite Chaucer, though she is marvelously smart, but she's special for so many reasons. She loves, and laughs, and I love when she pulls open the door and hollers "Kahla's here!!!" It always makes my day. Always.

I'm sad that in time she may not remember me. But I remember the way her black hair laid like a thick wool cap on the day she was born, or how she loved to curl up on my chest and I could hold her for hours and kiss her head, or how she loved the Itsy Bitsy Spider sung over and over. I know she loves Polly Pockets and Noggin. She loves her baby brother, and her pink blankies. She's a little naughty and a lotta smart and sassy.

Savannah, I love you. I'll miss you. And your mommy and RJ too. :)

Good Byes

When we packed up and moved to Colorado in 2001 saying Good Bye was easy. I remember lying in bed, both of sleepless with anticipation. I would close my eyes and try to sleep, and then they'd pop open to find Brent looking at me as if to say "how can you sleep at a time like this"? The truth was, I couldn't. We jumped out of bed, threw our clothes into bags and stumbled down the steps to break the news to Brent's parents. I know they weren't happy with our decision, not because they were'nt happy for us, but just a little sad to see us go. But go we did. Without looking back.

This time is different. I have stronger bonds with those in my life. And this time the leaving is truly bittersweet. Being so far away will inevitably cause us to miss important events in our loved ones lives. I just hope we don't miss too many. We will certainly try to come for some, but all will not be possible.

Today we started our rounds of Good Byes. I think I'm still kind of numb to it all really. I don't think it's hit me. I truly don't feel as though it's good bye. It feels to me like I'll see them all at the next holiday or event, even though I know that's not true. The first event will take place on the day we are hoping to arrive in Delta Junction. That will hurt, for just a little while.

So we said good bye, and hugged our hugs, but it still doesn't feel real for me. Brent isn't saying much, though I suspect the Good Byes are just as hard for him. He usually keeps that kind of thing a little more to himself. I know it's affecting our loved ones too. It's hard for them to say good bye, and to watch us go. But we'll be back, at least to visit, and we have email, and phones, and texts, and blogs...

We love you. We'll miss you. Come and visit!